At some juncture of our lives, we reach a point where it physically and mentally hurts when someone is good to us without any expectation in return. It could be a stranger or someone close to us. We fear it because their intention is nothing beyond an expression of goodwill. We cannot bear it because we do not feel deserving of it – to expect and accept. It stems from our deep-rooted belief that if we let it sink in and feel great, everything will inevitably go wrong, leaving us worse than before. Essentially, it is the baggage of our past. It is easier to believe that we are not to live a good life. It feels against nature to be respected.
Do we ever pause to wonder if the people who are rude or indifferent to us, be it your best friend or a random stranger, are doing it out of fear or pain?r Not everyone, but most of them. Fear that the interaction would give a false sense of hope that good things will be short-lived, inevitably being pulled away from under our feet. The pain is due to the emptiness and tiredness of falling too many times – let down by people, ourselves, or the universe. It does not justify being horrible to another human, but it helps to know that it is not always about us; not every action of ours is under scrutiny. For the most part, people are a reflection of themselves, not us. It is a form of escapism, the quickest and easiest solution to shut ourselves off from the harshness of our supposed reality.
Deep inside, we all want the same basic things that seem too hard to achieve or reach. To be able to take a shower. To meditate without having the thoughts in our heads consume us. To read a book and be able to process the words. To play without feeling as exhausted as a corpse. To draw without feeling the loss of our senses. To awaken without questioning our existence. To fall asleep without yearning for our demise. The truth is that we all want so much more for our lives, and getting it is arduous yet easier than living in misery. The voices in our heads lie to us, saying we are not capable of life. We let the past rule our future under the false assumption that it is a well-lit path. Our roadmap is fully customizable.
Do not go back to someone who broke you. Do not go back to someone who used you. Especially do not go back to someone who did both. This momentary relief and happiness have a far-reaching negative result – a drug disguised as rehab. The truth remains that there is no growth in the comfort of the known past, and it helps to remember when the going gets tough.
There are few things worse than having to live with the burden and fear of our failures. We cannot keep living in the past. It does not define us or our lives. Although, it can bury us alive. And the dead do not live. It is a cross that we carry, but we can co-exist with it. It does not have to consume us wholly. There is so much reason to live. We have to allow ourselves to do so. Fill it with joy, love, and peace, and we will reach a destination that more than balances life. Enjoy the beautiful journey we undertake; it makes every moment worthwhile. We owe it to ourselves and our struggles to see through the pain. Fly out of the darkness, and seek the life we ought to be living in harmony and synchronization of our mind, body, and soul.
It is not easy, and it does not have a one-shoe-fits-all approach. It could take days, weeks, months, years, or even decades. There is no progress without pushing ourselves beyond the restricted thoughts of our capability. We need to allow ourselves to feel, understand and accept our thoughts and choices – consciously. They are all parts of our whole, and as a whole, we deserve to rise. Prove the voices in our heads that called us unworthy, wrong. Seek and multiply self-love, respect, and esteem until we shine, for we are the sun of our galaxy.
Let us not stop until we are living the life that we know we deserve and desire.